Love Communication

Love Communication means connecting with another person through thoughts, words and actions, with a positive intention. It also takes the courage to listen to yourself, to the other and to each other, even when it feels uncomfortable.

When you are skilled in Love Communication, it becomes easier to enjoy a fulfilling intimate life. Good Love Communication is essential for people who want the freedom to love whoever they wish to love.

The aim of Love Communication is to build a relationship where joy and connection last over time, while becoming better at handling life’s challenges and differences in character.

Love communication and relationship therapy

A couples therapist is not a protected title. Therefore, it can be challenging to find an experienced and well-trained relationship therapist who is right for you.

Relationship therapy or couples therapy means seeking professional support when your intimate relationship feels stuck and one or both partners are unhappy.

What is relationship therapy?
Relationship therapy or couples therapy involves seeking professional support when your relationship is stuck and one or both partners are feeling unhappy.

When does it help?
Relationship therapy can also be used to address specific problems, such as infidelity, trust issues and problems with intimacy.

The goal of relationship therapy is:

Finding a fine love relationship;
Improve the love relationship so much that it is nice to spend time together again;
Ending the love relationship in a respectful manner.

If it turns out that medication is required in couples therapy or relationship coaching, you must go to a medically licensed specialist such as a psychotherapist because only licensed medical professionals are allowed to prescribe medication.

What is the difference between relationship coaching and relationship therapy?

There is no official difference between relationship coaching and relationship therapy. Both relationship coaching and relationship therapy focus on:

the growth process in the love relationship and to what people would like different, nicer and easier;
childhood pain, attachment styles and what people no longer want.

Relationship therapy and relationship coaching is given by persons who have received training in the field of love relationship and communication according to a particular method or sometimes by people who have developed their own methods.

The basis for relationship growth at Studio Panta Rhei is:

NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming;
The Gottman Method;
Esther Perel Sessions;
EMDR.

Key inspirations are:

Sue Johnson;
Emily Nagoski for female sexuality.

Intimacy Coaching

Since intimacy and sexuality is important in a long-term love relationship, intimacy coaching as a topic cannot be missing from the coaching program.

Female sexuality receives extra attention in couples where at least 1 person identifies as a woman. Women, unfortunately, are still regularly shamed or damaged in their sexuality or for expressing their sexuality in their own way.

This can have unwanted consequences for a fine intimacy life.

Male sexuality naturally receives attention in that persons who identify as male are also invited to express their feelings and desires without being shamed.

Love communication for dating

Love communication for dating is designed for people who want to date to find a partner for a long-term love relationship.

Love communication for dating: Tinder doesn't work if you want a long-term love relationship.

Dating seems easy when you can want it all. Many people Tinder on a beautiful exterior. Only 13% of Tinder relationships last longer than a month. If you are looking for physical pleasure or want to go on an intimate exploration, this is a great place to realize your desires of course!

The first dating websites were both a great success and a great failure at the same time. Lots of people signed up. That was the success. Almost all people wanted to date the most beautiful people.

The ‘ordinary’ looking people got no or hardly any dates. As if these people were not “relationship material…

They later adjusted the algorithm on these biases so that participants were only shown people who were in the same group in terms of “beauty.

How do you date if you are looking for a nice long-term love relationship?

Look beyond the first impression or the pretty picture.
Learn the habit of being quick to judge negatively on the outside. You may wonder how many beautiful frogs you have to kiss before you are willing to dwell on what really matters to you. At Studio Panta Rhei, you will learn to examine old, unhelpful habits and let go of what is necessary for you to let go.
Become aware of what you consider most important in a long-term love relationship. That is different for everyone. If that most important thing is missing, chances are it’s going to be another one of the many short-lived dates you’re not going to spend the holidays with. Nor is that date going to celebrate your birthday with you.
Beware of “love-bombing. The new date overwhelms you with compliments, (expensive) gifts, nicknames and especially positive attention. The new date gives you full attention and demands your full attention. This leaves little room for healthy, normal contacts with friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances and hobbies. If you have received little positive attention from people around you for a long time, you can be so affected by this that you don’t realize it is happening. In the beginning of falling in love, this can also be fun and exciting. Be aware that this is happening. This allows you to maintain your individuality in the long run. This makes you less easily tempted by a sad story where the other person “suddenly needs a lot of money. The infatuation phase also involves exploring who decides what about what subject and how much time love partners want and will spend with each other. This can be an exciting process when one person gives and demands a lot of attention. Talk to people who know you well and also grant you happiness, about what is happening and what they think about it. If this does not work out well, it is a good idea to seek professional help so you can clarify the situation and make informed choices.
Always make contact with video calls before making an appointment. People with different intentions than yourself will then get you out more easily. This saves wasting time, and time is the most precious thing you have.
If you are going to date through a dating site, go on dating sites that fit your desired experience. If you long for a long-term love relationship, chances are slim that you are going to find it on Tinder. If you are interested in a fine long-term love relationship, it is helpful also to give each other time to get to know each other.
Use common sense and observe the other person well. If you meet at someone’s house and the dirty underwear stray into the sink, so to speak, you should ask yourself what made it that you could not have anticipated this beforehand. If you get the urge to help someone, it’s time to seek professional help.

Steps to start a long-term love relationship

If you want to start a serious, long-term relationship, there are several steps you can take to increase your chances of finding a suitable partner:

Get clear about what you want in a partner and in a relationship. List the things that are non-negotiable and deal-breakers, and be honest with yourself about what you are looking for. Make a conscious distinction between inside (behavior) and outside (appearance). Be realistic. Even George Clooney and miss world stink when they go to the bathroom.
Be open to different types of people. Don't limit yourself to a certain type of person or a certain dating scene. Be open to meeting new people and trying new things.
Work on yourself. Take the time to improve yourself and become the best version of yourself. This will make you more attractive to potential partners and will also help you attract a better quality partner
Be active in your search. Don't wait for love to come to you. Get out there and meet new people, whether through social events, online dating or other activities. Above all, do the things you enjoy, because someone who has fun is extra attractive.
Communicate clearly. When you meet someone you are interested in, be clear about your intentions and what you are looking for in a relationship. And also listen to what they have to say. Be extra intentional about the pace at which you both feel comfortable to consider if you would like to be together longer.
Be patient. Finding the right person takes time, and it can take trial and error. Don't get discouraged if things don't work out at first. Stay open to new encounters and keep going out.
Consider seeking professional help. Coaching or couples therapy can help you gain insight into yourself and what you want in a partner, as well as help you communicate effectively and resolve conflicts in a relationship.

Ultimately, building a serious, long-term relationship is about staying true to the essence of yourself, being open to new experiences and people, and being willing to put time and effort into finding the right partner.

It can be exciting to go on a dating or meeting path with the goal of finding a love partner. Love communication helps you do that. It teaches you to become aware of your thoughts and feelings. You also learn how to develop new habits or unlearn old ones.

FAQ - frequently asked questions

What do you do when you're done with naughty dating?

Naughty dating can be a fun and exciting experience. Still, there may be a time when you may decide it’s time for a change. Here are some possible steps you might consider:

Reflect on your experiences: Take time to look back on your time in the world of naughty dating. What did you learn? What did you like and what didn’t you like? What aspects of yourself did you discover during this adventure?
Decide what you want: Think about what you are looking for in a relationship or a partner. Maybe you are looking for something more serious, more stability, or just a new phase in your life. It’s important to know what you want before you move forward.
Communicate with your dates: If you have done naughty dating with several people, it is honest and respectful to communicate with them about your decision to stop or change what you are looking for. Open and honest communication is always the best approach.
Delete dating profiles: If you have been using online dating apps, it is a good idea to delete or deactivate your profiles if you are no longer interested in naughty dating.
Focus on self-care: Take time to take care of yourself. Ensure physical health, emotional well-being and personal growth. This can include exercising, meditating, discovering new hobbies or spending time with friends and family.
Consider other dating options: If you decide to continue dating, you can try other types of dating profiles, such as serious relationship apps or matchmaking services, which are more focused on long-term commitments.
Enjoy life: Remember that life is not just about dating. Enjoy the time you have to develop yourself, have new experiences and grow as a person.
Change processes in love, intimacy and relationships are not always easy. Look for and find professional help with whom you have a click, who can guide you through this change process.

Most importantly, do what feels right for you. Whether you continue dating in another form or take a break to rediscover yourself, your happiness and well-being are paramount.

What do you do when you are in love but not ready for a relationship?

When you are in love but not ready for a relationship, you face a complicated situation where personal feelings and need for self-reflection come together. It is important to be honest with yourself and the person you are in love with, and there are are several ways to deal with this situation.

First, it is essential to apply self-reflection. Consider why you are not ready for a relationship at this time. Perhaps you have previous emotional baggage to deal with, or you feel the need to spend more time on personal growth and development. Understanding your own reasons is the first step toward making a decision. It can be helpful to seek help with this from a love coach or relationship therapist.

Love communication is also crucial. Talk openly, respectfully and honestly with the person you are in love with. Explain the you have strong feelings for them, but that you are not ready for a full relationship at this time. Again, be honest and respectful in your conversation and give them space to share their feelings and expectations.

Depending on how you both feel, different scenarios can arise. Some people choose to keep dating others while keeping their options open and meeting different people to discover what suits them best. Others may decide to stop dating so they can fully focus on their feelings for the person they are in love with.

A third option is to discuss exclusivity without entering into an official relationship. This means that you both agree to date only each other and not see other people as (potential) love partners, although you still do not enter into your relationship with full commitment.

It is important to realize that the other person also has the ability to decide what is best for them. They may choose to break off the relationship if they cannot handle the – prolonged – uncertainty or if they are looking for more commitment.

No matter what choice you make, remain open to love communication and understanding. The goal is to maintain mutual understanding and respect no matter which path you take. Remember that the longest relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. It is important to make choices that align with your needs, values and goals.

What do you do when you want to find a soulmate or soul mate?

People looking for a soul mate or soul mate find a meaningful connection with another person important. This search itself can be a profound and beautiful journey. Here are some steps to consider if you are looking for this special connection:

Self-reflection: start with yourself. Before looking for a soulmate, soul mate, it is important to have a good understanding of who you are yourself, what your values are, what you are looking for in a partner and what kind of relationship you want. Self-knowledge is the key to attracting someone who is a good fit for you. Also consider: codependency and pleasing (being unhealthily dependent on your love partner), (attracting) narcissistically behaving partners, attachment styles: fearful attachment, avoidant attachment, ambivalent attachment and secure attachment. If you notice any undesirable aspects of these, this may influence your failure to attract a soul mate or soul mate.
Take care of yourself: Take good care of yourself, both physically and emotionally. Work on your personal growth, health and well-being. A positive relationship with yourself is the basis for attracting a soulmate or soul mate.
Be open and available: Be open to new people and experiences. Sometimes finding a soulmate or soul mate can happen unexpectedly. So be willing to meet new people and explore new opportunities. Above all, stretch your comfort zone. If you fall for men, go to places where there are a lot of men. If you fall for women, go to places where a lot of women go. As a pansexual where gender identity matters less, go to places where people come who share the same interests as yourself. Beware of spiritual avoidance behavior! Spirituality is quite often used to avoid entering into external discomfort. ‘I don’t need anyone and meditate myself silly while feeling more depressed and depressed’. Don’t. Ask for help. Deal with new people, frowns, different opinions and discover that you can indeed stand on your own two feet while making new, beautiful connections at the same time. Behind the mask of that person with “wonderful opinions” may just be your soulmate or soul mate.
Define your goals: Consider what you want in a partner and in a relationship. Write down what traits, values and interests are important to you. This can help refine your search.
Online and offline dating: Use both online dating apps and traditional ways to meet people. Online dating can put you in touch with people outside your immediate social circle while offline activities such as hobby groups, volunteering and social events give you a chance to meet people in person.
Patience and realism: Finding a soulmate can take time, and it’s important to have realistic expectations. Not every relationship will lead to a soul mate, and that’s okay. Stay patient and give yourself time to find the right person.
Work on communication skills: Good love communication is essential in any relationship. Make sure you can communicate openly and honestly about your needs, boundaries, feelings and thoughts. It is also important that you can listen carefully to the other person’s needs, boundaries, feelings and thoughts.
Be yourself: It is important to remain authentic and be yourself in a relationship. This ensures that your partner appreciates you for who you really are. Don’t confuse “staying yourself” with “shameless behavior or words. “I say what’s on my mind!” and then something unkind follows….
Let it go: it may sound contradictory, but sometimes you find a soulmate when you are not actively looking. Being too focused on finding the perfect partner can actually cause stress. Try to relax, trust the process and enjoy life while you’re on the road.
Be aware that many people have been taught that there is only one love partner for everyone. This view is time and culture bound. Possibly this belief does not fit you as well. Read more about soul mate and soul connection in my blog.

Remember that the concept of a soul mate or soul mate is different for everyone. it is important to give a love relationship time so that it also has a chance to feel deep and meaningful. It may take some time to find the right person, but when you do, it can be a very beautiful, fulfilling experience.

What do you do when you want to find a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Did you know that the fear of making mistakes or being judged negatively is often a barrier to being open to new friendships later in life?

Suppose: You gathered your courage and went to a neighborhood activity. You bump into someone with your cup of coffee and you spill the coffee on the beautiful, white, cashmere, wool sweater of one of your neighbors. (Something like that really happened to me, by the way….)

What are your thoughts and feelings? Also indicate how true this is for you on a scale of 1 to 10. This may be an indication of whether or not you could use help making more positive connections with others:

I am ashamed to death! I set to work with rescues, wipes, water and feel my desperation grow stronger as the stain seems to stubbornly take hold.
I apologize and suggest paying the cost of the dry cleaning.
That woman should have been more careful. I was coming from the right!
I have thought and done just about everything above and don’t sleep at night because of it.
You startle. You show that you are startled and apologize. You remain calm and you are interested in what the other person says or how they react. You watch the conversation unfold and if it is appropriate, you ask how you can help resolve this situation.

You are probably smart enough to understand which would be the most optimal solution in the situation. But did you know that we often react from old, sometimes unhelpful instincts?

For many people, making new friendships later in life is sometimes more difficult than at a younger age. This can be due to: less time and more commitments, having enough existing friendships, having or developing social anxiety as people get older, there are fewer natural opportunities to meet new people, having interests of which there are few people living nearby with the same interests, the desire to have deeper and more meaningful friendships later in life, being loyal to what is familiar and the friend moves away.

Despite these challenges, it is still possible to form new friendships later in life. It often requires a conscious effort, courage and openness to meet new people and forge new connections, such as by participating in social activities, joining clubs or groups, volunteering, or exploring online communities that match your interests. It may take some time and perseverance and sometimes help from a professional, but it is worth it to develop valuable friendships regardless of your age.

What do you do when you want to find a man or woman?

Finding a man or woman or non-binary person to enter into a romantic love relationship with can be a personal journey. This search itself can provide a profound and beautiful journey. Here are some steps to consider if you are looking for this special love partner:

Self-reflection: start with yourself. Before looking for a love partner, it is important to have a good understanding of who you are yourself, what your values are, what you are looking for in a partner and what kind of relationship you want. Self-knowledge is the key to attracting someone who is a good fit for you. Also consider: codependency and pleasing (being unhealthily dependent on your love partner), (attracting) narcissistically behaving partners, attachment styles: fearful attachment, avoidant attachment, ambivalent attachment and secure attachment. If you notice any undesirable aspects of these, this may influence your failure to attract a soul mate or soul mate.
Take care of yourself: Take good care of yourself, both physically and emotionally. Work on your personal growth, health and well-being. A positive relationship with yourself is the basis for attracting a woman, man or non-binary love partner.
Be open and available: Be open to new people and experiences. Sometimes finding a love partner can happen unexpectedly. So be willing to meet new people and explore new opportunities. Above all, stretch your comfort zone. If you fall for men, go to places where there are a lot of men. If you fall for women, go to places where a lot of women go. As a pansexual where gender identity matters less, go to places where people come who share the same interests as yourself. Beware of spiritual avoidance behavior! Spirituality is quite often used to avoid entering into external discomfort. ‘I don’t need anyone and meditate myself silly while feeling more depressed and depressed’. Don’t. Ask for help. Deal with new people, frowns, different opinions. Discover that you can indeed stand on your own two feet while making new, beautiful connections at the same time. Behind the mask of that person with “wonderful opinions,” your love partner or a fine friend may just emerge.
Define your goals: Consider what you want in a partner and in a relationship. Write down what traits, values and interests are important to you. This can help refine your search.
Online and offline dating: Use both online dating apps and traditional ways to meet people. Online dating can put you in touch with people outside your immediate social circle while offline activities such as hobby groups, volunteering and social events give you a chance to meet people in person.
Patience and realism: Finding a soulmate can take time, and it’s important to have realistic expectations. Not every relationship will lead to a soul mate, and that’s okay. Stay patient and give yourself time to find the right person.
Work on communication skills: Good love communication is essential in any relationship. Make sure you can communicate openly and honestly about your needs, boundaries, feelings and thoughts. It is also important that you can listen carefully to the other person’s needs, boundaries, feelings and thoughts.
Be yourself: It is important to remain authentic and be yourself in a relationship. This ensures that your partner appreciates you for who you really are. Don’t confuse “staying yourself” with “shameless behavior or words. “I say what’s on my mind!” and then something unkind follows….
Let it go: it may sound contradictory, but sometimes you find a love partner when you are not actively looking. Being too focused on finding the perfect partner can actually cause stress. Try to relax, trust the process and enjoy life while you’re on the road.

Remember that the concept of a love partner is different for everyone. It is important to give a love relationship time so that it also has a chance to feel right. It may take some time to find the right love partner, but when you do, it can be a very beautiful, fulfilling experience.

What are the stages for a long-term love relationship?

The stages for a long-term love relationship are:

Open to or looking for a long-term love relationship, love partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, soul mate, soul mate. You are single and you look around you. You invite chance or give chance a hand by actively dating or actively going out to places where you are most likely to meet a potential, suitable love partner;
In love and experiencing each other with the famous “rose-colored glasses. This is the beginning of the relationship where everything is new and exciting. The experience is colored by so-called love hormones: Adrenaline, Dopamine, Serotenin,Endorphins and Oxytocin;
In love but not ready for a long-term love affair. This is the transition phase when you will decide whether to choose each other. The decision phase. You become aware of what is really important to you, you pay attention to whether this is present in your dynamics and you eventually act accordingly. It will be a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’, whether or not linked to lattening (living apart together: having a relationship in which the love partners continue to live separately, but visit each other regularly), living together or getting married;
Decision moment: you choose each other and a deliberate type of love relationship: monogamy, lat relationship, open relationship, polyamory (having multiple love partners at the same time in an open and honest way) and all forms in between whether labeled or not;
Relationship building. Over time, the love relationship begins to deepen. You get to know each other better, discover each other’s habits and interests, and build a stronger emotional bond. This is the stage when you begin to understand what is really important to you together.
Deepening Love: As time passes, like all love relationships, you go through small and large life challenges. You share more intimate moments and become more comfortable with each other. This phase can last for years and is often marked by stability and deep emotional bonds.
Challenges and conflichten. No love relationship is free of conflict. Challenges and problems may arise at this stage, whether they are communication problems, disagreements, intimacy problems or external stressors. The process of harmony, disharmony (arguments) and repair is normal and healthy. You are able to repair disharmony with or without the help of a relationship therapist, love coach or relationship coach.
Repair and restoration of conflicts. The recurring process of harmony, disharmony and repair is part of a healthy, fine long-term love relationship, and in the repair, trust is rebuilt, according to renowned relationship therapist Esther Perel.
Maturity and growth. Growth occurs when all involved transparently want to grow, learn and continue to meet and discover each other in new ways. The foundation is trust, safety and intimacy. You understand each other deeply, have many shared memories and often have common goals for the future. This can be done in a variety of ways. What helps is having and focusing on a common dream, which is backed by the two important pillars in a love relationship: friendship and intimacy (The Gottman method). This involves the love partners taking joint responsibility for continuing to make time for engaging in new joint activities and investing in romantic and intimate moments.
Possibility and renewal. In some cases, long-term love relationships can go through a period of change and renewal. This may mean that love partners engage in new activities together, discover new interests or even fall in love with each other again. It may also happen that love partners come to a different form of love relationship than the one they had chosen together at the beginning of the love relationship.

It is good to know that not all love relationships go through the same phases in the same order. Some relationships may linger in certain phases longer than others. What is essential for a successful long-term love relationship is open communication, respect, understanding, and a willingness to grow and face challenges together. It is also important to remember that it is normal to experience ups and downs in a long-term love relationship, and that these challenges often provide opportunities for growth and deepening of the bond between the love partners.

Finally: Unfortunately, partner violence still occurs in the Netherlands. The forms are: physical, psychological, sexual and economic aggression, threats or acts of violence that are or can be repeated and that affect the integrity of the other person. This violence affects not only the victim, but also other family members, including children. If you are in a situation where you are experiencing partner violence, call 911. Based on what you tell them about the situation, they will assess what help is needed. For more information, visit the website ikvermoedelijkgeweld.nl

Love communication and beginning relationships

‘You’re doing it again! I’ve said so many times, ‘Don’t, and then you do it again!’ Or, “Have you forgotten already! Or: ‘No, you really have to do it that way!’

Anyone who has been in a love relationship where the partners were different (it seems that only 5% of people have the same filters – thinking styles and learned distortions) knows this war of words. In the beginning of the love relationship, frameworks are often set of who is “about what. People who have been together for a long time sometimes say when you ask something, ‘No, that’s not up to me. My lover decides that.’ That need not be a bad thing if that is how it has unfolded over time and everyone is happy with that.

You could also call it a power play or power struggle. This is normal and need not be bad. It becomes unpleasant and can turn into psychological and/or physical abuse when one is meaningfully, mentally less powerful than the other. A characteristic of this is that there is little or no room for contact with persons other than one’s love partner without the love partner being there. Should this be the case: seek help by calling 911 if love communication has become a distant thing.

What is love communication is and why is it important?

Love communication is essential for building and maintaining healthy and strong love relationships, especially in the early stages of a relationship. Here are some ways love communication can help with beginning love relationships:

Building connection: By communicating openly and honestly with each other, you can build a deeper emotional bond. Sharing thoughts, (even uncomfortable) feelings, and life experiences helps you understand each other better and grow closer.
Building trust: Communication is the basis of trust in a relationship. When you talk to each other openly and reliably, you can build trust in each other. This is crucial for a healthy relationship.
Expressing needs and expectations: In the early stages of a relationship, it is important to talk about your needs, expectations and goals. This can help avoid ambiguities and ensure that you are on the same page in terms of what you expect from the relationship.
Conflict resolution: Conflict is normal in any relationship. By communicating about disagreements and problems in a respectful and constructive manner, you can effectively resolve conflicts and reduce misunderstandings.
Emotional support: Communication allows you to offer and receive emotional support. In times of stress, sadness or joy, you can support and comfort each other by talking and listening.
Getting to know each other’s interests and values: By talking about your interests, values and life views, you can discover how well you fit together and whether you have common ground for the future.
Building Intimacy: Love communication can also help build emotional and physical intimacy. Sharing deep feelings and desires can increase the passion and romance in the relationship.
Preventing misunderstandings: In the early stages of a relationship, misunderstandings are often inevitable. Open communication can help prevent misunderstandings or clear them up quickly before they escalate.
Also, don’t be too hard on each other. Misunderstandings and subsequent anger, usually arise because you don’t have the courage to ask calmly what is going on. Keep talking to each other, even if it feels uncomfortable to show your vulnerability.
Respect each other’s feelings. You can do this by repeating what the other person says. At the same time, of course, you are also allowed to have your feelings. Powerful love relationships have the courage to listen to each other’s feelings, without forcing the other to do or refrain from doing anything based on these feelings. Strength is found in the challenge to help fulfill each other’s deeper need, when you know the essence of each other’s desire.

It is important to remember that good communication is a two-way street. Listening is just as important as speaking. Be actively involved in listening to your partner, showing empathy and understanding their perspective.

Overall, effective love communication can lay the foundation for a healthy and lasting relationship. It is a skill that must be developed and maintained throughout the life of the relationship.

This all seems very nice and easy. What makes love communication not so easy? As human beings, the early years of our lives, especially those up to age eight, are influenced by what we experience. We “observe” how our educators live together, argue and make up. This becomes ‘ingrained’ in our hearts, heads and bodies, so to speak. Almost always you need professional help to make room for love communication if you did not get this in your or your parenting situation. It is something like learning another language, with all the customs and habits that go with it. If this applies to you or yours: find a love coach, relationship therapist you have a click with as soon as possible, who can help you move forward. Life is really too short to live without love!

Men and beginning relationships

Beginning love relationships are often a period of excitement, expectation and discovery.

However, for men or people who identify as men, these relationships can also be influenced by instilled beliefs about masculinity and sexuality that are deeply rooted in society.

These expectations can vary, but often they are related to stereotypical ideas about what it means to be a “real man.” Here we look at some of these beliefs and how they can affect beginning love relationships.

1. Strength and Independence: Traditionally, men are expected to be strong and independent, both emotionally and physically. This can lead to reluctance to be vulnerable in a relationship. Men may feel pressured to suppress or minimize their emotions, which can make communication with a partner difficult.

2. Stoic Masculinity: There is a stereotype of “stoic masculinity” in which men suppress their emotions and maintain a facade of imperturbability. This can lead to problems in communication because it can be difficult to be open about feelings and concerns.

3. Initiate and Perform: Men may feel that they must always take the lead in initiating dating and sexual activity. This pressure to always be “ready” and performing can lead to anxiety and insecurity in the bedroom. If the female partner does not initiate or initiates less from her social influence or because of what she has experienced, the man may possibly feel rejected. If this situation is not resolved, it may result in unnecessary damage or breakup of the relationship.

4. Gender stereotypes: Expectations about masculinity and sexuality are often reinforced by gender stereotypes. Men can be influenced by media, culture and upbringing, which can result in conformity to expectations that do not necessarily match their own values and desires.

These beliefs can have negative consequences for beginning love relationships. Men may feel pressured to play a role that is not authentic, which can lead to unresolved conflicts, lack of emotional intimacy and even problems with sexual performance.

Fortunately, society is evolving and the understanding of gender and masculinity is growing. More and more men are striving for healthy, balanced relationships where open communication and equality and, as a result, more enjoyment of love are key.

Here are some steps men can take to overcome entrained beliefs and build healthier relationships:

1. Self-awareness: Reflect on your own beliefs and values regarding masculinity and sexuality. Identify which expectations influence you and which ones you want to change.

2. Open communication: Learn to communicate openly and honestly with your partner. Share your thoughts, feelings and desires without fear of judgement.

3. Seek support: Talk to friends, family or a therapist about your feelings and concerns. It can be helpful to have a support network to talk to.

4. Self-love and acceptance: Learn to accept yourself as you are, including your own unique view of masculinity and sexuality.

5. Research and education: Delve into topics such as emotional intelligence, healthy relationships and sexual health to increase your understanding.

In summary, it is important for men to be aware of the influence of instilled beliefs about masculinity and sexuality on their love relationships.

The pursuit of authentic and healthy relationships requires conscious effort and a broader understanding of masculinity and gender roles. Letting go of limiting beliefs can lead to more fulfilling and loving relationships.

This allows men to be themselves and embrace their own sexual dignity and emotional health.

Women and beginning relationships

Entering into a beginning love relationship can be an exciting and challenging experience for women or people who identify as women. In this context, women are often influenced by societal norms and expectations regarding femininity and sexuality. These expectations can vary, but they often relate to stereotypical ideas of what an “ideal woman” should be like. Below we look at some of these beliefs and how they can affect women in beginning love relationships.

1. The Need for Perfection: Women often get the message that they should strive for physical and emotional perfection. This pressure to always look good and always be “nice” can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-criticism.

2. Passivity and Submissiveness: Traditional gender roles may suggest to women that they should be passive, nurturing and submissive in a relationship. This can affect their ability to express their own needs and desires, including sexual ones.

3. Shame and Taboos around Sexuality: In some cultures, taboos and even danger around female sexuality can discourage women from talking openly about sexual desires and needs. This can lead to problems in communicating about sex in a love relationship.

4. Limiting Gender Stereotypes: Expectations about femininity and sexuality are often reinforced by gender stereotypes in media and culture. These stereotypes can influence and limit women’s sexual expression and autonomy. Childbearing also affects women’s bodies. The learned ideal of beauty and youthfulness can have negative effects on sexual experience and desire for sexuality in the love relationship. If a woman who has given birth (again) starts looking for a love partner, it can hinder her search and sexual self-expression.

These inbred beliefs can have negative effects on beginning love relationships for women. It can lead to insecurity, problems expressing feelings and needs, and even problems with sexual health and pleasure.

Fortunately, awareness of gender, femininity and sexuality is growing in society, and there are steps women can take to break free from these limiting beliefs and build healthier relationships:

1. Self-love and Acceptance: Learn to accept yourself as you are, with all your quirks and unique characteristics.

2. Communication and Empowerment: Develop strong communication skills and learn to express your own needs and desires without shame.

3. Education and Self-Awareness: Delve into topics such as sexual health, consent and body positivity to increase your understanding.

4. Seek support: Talk to friends, family or professionals about your (sexual) feelings, desires and concerns. A support network can be invaluable.

In summary, it is important for women to be aware of the influence of instilled beliefs about femininity and sexuality in beginning love relationships.

The pursuit of authentic and healthy relationships requires conscious effort and a broader understanding of femininity and gender roles. Letting go of limiting beliefs can lead to more fulfilling and loving relationships.

This allows women to be themselves and embrace their own sexual dignity and emotional health.

Non-binary and non-cis-gender and beginning relationships

Beginning love relationships are a period of discovery and growth for everyone, but for non-binary and non-cisgender individuals, these relationships can present unique challenges.

Inherited beliefs about gender normativity, based on traditional ideas about masculinity and femininity, can have a significant impact on their relationships and sexuality.

Here we look at some of these beliefs and how they may affect non-binary and non-cisgender individuals in beginning love relationships.

1. The Pressure to Fit into the Binary: Non-binary and non-cisgender individuals may face pressure to conform to a binary way of thinking about gender, in which there are only two options: male and female. This pressure can lead to identity conflicts and a sense of being unaccepted.

2. Confusion and Lack of Understanding: For partners unfamiliar with gender diversity, it can be confusing to understand the identity and needs of a non-binary or non-cisgender person. This lack of understanding can cause communication problems.

3. Gender Stereotypes and Sexuality: Traditional expectations about gender roles and sexuality can pressure non-binary and non-cisgender individuals to conform to certain sexual roles and expectations, which can cause conflict in intimate relationships.

4. Self-Acceptance and Self-Esteem: For some non-binary and non-cisgender individuals, it can be challenging to fully accept and love themselves. This can affect their sexuality and intimate relationships.

It is important to emphasize that love relationships are just as valuable and meaningful for non-binary and non-cisgender individuals as they are for cisgender individuals.

Here are some steps that can help deal with the challenges that can arise in beginning love relationships:

1. Self-discovery: Non-binary and non-cisgender individuals can work to understand their own gender identity and sexual needs. This process of self-discovery can help them build more authentic and fulfilling relationships.

2. Communication: Open and honest communication with a partner is crucial. Sharing feelings, needs and expectations can help avoid misunderstandings and strengthen the relationship.

3. Education: Both non-binary and non-cisgender individuals and their partners can educate themselves about gender diversity and sexuality. Knowledge can contribute to understanding and acceptance.

4. Seek support: It can be helpful to talk to friends, family or professional therapists who specialize in gender issues. A support network can be invaluable.

In summary, beginning love relationships for non-binary and non-cisgender individuals can be both joyful and challenging given prevailing norms and expectations regarding gender and sexuality.

It is important to strive for relationships based on mutual understanding, acceptance and love, in which non-binary and non-cisgender individuals can be themselves and embrace their sexuality and gender identity.

ask for help when angry a lot

You yell a lot. You are angry a lot. You slam doors a lot. You don’t talk to each other for a long time. You don’t have sex for a long time, even though you actually miss this quite a bit. Then you get three possibilities:

1. You are getting older and older and time is ticking away. You are both unhappy, but the thought of change produces more anxiety, than unhappy living together.

This discomfort, this pain you know. Eventually you will die. That only takes “at least another 40 years.

2. You’re fed up and you decide to break up. You go to the gym and start dating when you get things back on track.

Of course it was all because of the other partner and you just choose another love partner who, through no fault of his own, has also just become single. After the butterflies in your stomach comes the anger again.

3. You swallow your pride, pride and ego proverbially and seek professional help.

Become good at love communication

How good do you want to be at love communication?

In what ways are you still influenced by the way things were communicated in the family you grew up in? Can you desire to want to be good at something?

Mag you learn or did you grow up with the unconscious message that if you want to learn, it actually means you are “kind of stupid. Please read on if you want to learn more about this.

don't do this!

What are you not doing?

The “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” is a term introduced by Dr. John Gottman, a noted relationship researcher and psychologist, to describe certain awkward communication patterns in romantic relationships.

These four patterns can lead to conflict and problems in a relationship and can undermine the relationship if not recognized and addressed. The four horsemen are:

1. Excessive criticism in a personal, accusatory and offensive manner.

Criticism refers to expressing negative judgments, accusations and complaints about one’s partner in a negative way. The difference between criticism and expressing concerns or complaints lies in the way it is expressed.

Criticism is often personal and offensive, while constructive feedback focuses on the partner’s behavior or actions rather than their character.Example: Can’t you really do anything right either? You don’t understand anything do you?

2. Condescending language, contempt. Contempt is an expression of disdain, contempt and disrespect for one’s partner. This can manifest itself in sarcasm, cynicism, ridicule or derogatory remarks.

Contempt can be particularly damaging to relationships because it undermines the emotional connection between partners. Example: In your family, they are all so stingy.

3. Defensiveness: Defensive behavior occurs when a partner defends themselves rather than taking responsibility for their role in the conflict. It can also involve shifting blame to the other person.

Defensiveness can make communication difficult because it is difficult to resolve problems if both partners are unwilling to take responsibility for their actions. Example: Yes but you did it too! That’s what I want to talk about now!

4. Closing off (putting up a wall): Closing off refers to withdrawing from communication and avoiding conflict by distancing oneself emotionally.

It can manifest itself in silence, avoiding eye contact or even literally walking away from a conversation.

Stonewalling can be frustrating for the other partner because it completely blocks communication. Example: Saying nothing to the other person for a long time. Silent punishment.

Dr. Gottman identified these four riders as predictors of relationship problems and divorce.

do this and often!

What do you do? Apply the magic love formula. Again, this is from Dr. John Gottman.

One of the important concepts in the Gottman Method is the “Magic Love Formula. Happy love relationships employ this formula, often unconsciously. The number of positive interaction or communication moments is measured.

These are often small expressions of appreciation or affection. When you are together there is a lot of interaction. For example, think of you going to the kitchen and asking, ‘I’m going to grab some coffee. You want a cup too? Or you’re in the bathroom together brushing teeth and you hum a song and the other person starts humming along.

Or you tap the other person – in an appropriate context, of course -, briefly on the buttocks in passing. But also the remark: “No, hey! You haven’t hung up a new toilet roll again!” is also a moment of interaction or communication. The tone matters whether it is perceived as positive or negative.

Happy love relationships have a ratio of 20 positively experienced moments to 1 negatively experienced moment. If there is conflict, the ratio drops to 5 positively experienced moments to 1 negatively experienced moment.

Of course, there are many more elements that are important for a fine long-term love relationship, but if you already become aware of the above and practice applying them, it can already make a positive difference.

become a star in love communication

We don’t suddenly hatch from an egg, as this is called. Tell me what beliefs you were instilled in your childhood and how many beliefs you changed, then I will know how quickly you can learn new behaviors, new skills – self.

If learning and practice were encouraged, you may have been lucky. Many people will need to invest time, attention and energy to turn old habits into new, helpful ones. Consider, for example, openly appreciating each other with words.

If you were taught in the past that giving compliments is “slimming,” or if you were taught that you are not spiritually enlightened if you value appreciation, then it may start to fray in your love relationship if at least one person does need it. Maybe you actually do, right?

Everything always works out in the end, but perhaps if you want to initiate big, desired positive changes, it’s good to ask for and accept a little help. You know where to find me now don’t you?